In the spirit of Mental health month, I have been thinking of what topic would be most helpful to discuss to help improve your mental health. Self care, a commonly used term these days, was the first thing that came to my mind. So take a moment and ask yourself, what does your self care look like?
Maybe you don’t call it “self care”… but what I am really asking is what do you do to recharge yourself?
When a client comes to me for problems relating to stress or anxiety, this is typically the first question I ask and I have found that many people already have established methods of self care. But what I also find is they haven’t taken the time to make distinctions between the different types of practices.
I like to think of self care in two categories: nurturing and constructive self care. The way you can distinguish nurturing self care is that it typically makes you feel good without struggle. It may be getting a haircut, watching your favorite movie or going for a walk -- basically just something that comes natural that you don’t have to put too much effort into doing.
Constructive self care is the stuff that is helping improve your “Growing Edge.” For some this may be going to the gym, learning a new language, taking a cooking class or learning how to meditate. Something that is new and challenging and will also help you improve. These things do not come naturally and they take work. Sometimes they do not make you feel good right away and can even be frustrating at times, but this is the work that is helping you improve for the future.
Nurturing self care are the things that will help to keep you centered and at peace on your journey. Constructive self care are the things that will help you become who you are striving to be -- your most authentic self. Knowing the difference between the two types and when to use them will allow you to improve your mindful practice over time.
Nurturing self care is more like the comfort of a mother’s arms, nurturing and loving. In that space you get everything you need to recharge. Your nurturing practices are that way because they have been practiced over years -- these should be your go-tos.
But recently I was asked, “Can Constructive self care become nurturing self care?”
And the answer is YES! That is the goal with constructive self care as we continually grow.
We want to have as many tools as we can when it comes to dealings with ups and downs of life. If one of our self care habits goes down, a new one is ready to go. For me, Tong Lin meditation was a constructive form of self-care at first, but after doing 30 minute meditations twice a week for a year, the practice has become one of the most nurturing self-care tools in my belt.
Here are some suggestions to help on your mindful journey:
Make a list of what your self-care tools are.
Divide the list by nurturing self-care and constructive self-care.
Mindfully schedule when you are going to engage in nurturing vs. constructive.
Journal about differences in emotional charge and energy levels.
This will help you track progress and take notice of any obstacles that may hold you back. Try this for a month and see what happens! Please reach out if you have any questions or feedback and remember...
Breathe Deeply, Live fully.
-L.J. Lumpkin M.A. LMFT